Reality Check

As you could tell by my last post, I have really been enjoying myself here lately. I am in love with my kids, have a great group of friends, an amazing church family, and more than enough to do. Many have spoken of my ministry in Guatemala as a sacrifice, leaving behind my life and family in the states for an impoverished country with a different language, and while for a period it was quite difficult to adjust, I had lately seen myself as over that 'hump' and (besides missing family and friends) was enjoying the blessings of serving the Lord in Guatemala.

Friday was a stark reminder of why Guatemala needs love and hope so desperately. Not that I miss the daily (almost hourly) notifications of how many people are assaulted (or worse) in the streets here, but I am extra careful with my choices and, praise the Lord, have served here without incident. When I arrived at the community center on Friday morning, I was told there would be a vigil held there midday for a man that had died from the neighborhood. This is the third or fourth time I've seen that in my time there; the community doesn't have another place to have such a thing and the center is a refuge for the families during their mourning. I was saddened to hear the news, but the day goes on, and I walked up the little hill to my room and began my classes for the day. During recreation of my second class, one of my older students, Sharon, came by asked if I'd heard what had happened to Ana's dad....Ana is in Sharon's class, and the pieces came together way too easily in my head. The vigil would be for my student's father. I went down to the center to confirm the news, still hoping Sharon was somehow mistaken. The social worker quickly confirmed; she had just heard herself. Ana's father worked as a messenger, went on his lunch break Thursday, and was gunned down by assailants in the street. He was taken to the hospital but died later that same day. My co-worker told me that Ana was outside but didn't want to talk to anyone. With shock on my face and tears in my eyes, I went outside to find Ana and her little sister sitting on the curb. Ana was staring blankly at the street; Alejandra was sobbing. I sat down beside her, put my arm around her and just whispered "I'm so sorry. I don't understand either. But I love you and I'm here if you need anything." She didn't reply. "Is your mom here?" "No, she's at the funeral home." We sat there on the curb, Spanish praise songs playing from a speaker nearby. Moments later, Ana's grandmother came and asked her to take something to the house, and she and her sister disappeared up the hill. Ana's little cousin, a cute girl of 7 or 8, who I'd never seen before, scooted over beside me and put her head on my shoulder. I sat there with her for a few minutes in silence. Not really anything to say. A little while later, she headed back up the hill too.

 It was time for my lunch break, and as my co-worker gave me some more details of the family - 4 kids and a mom, the dad was the only one who worked, they would be taking the body to Coban for burial - I cried and sat frustrated that there was nothing more I could do. The family was arranging flowers on a bench outside the office, and I began my afternoon classes. Many of my older students were talking about what had happened, and what actually bothered me most, is that they were not that surprised or upset. Where they're from, this situation is way too common. They were discussing the details like we discuss a car wreck or storm damage. Since it was Friday, we were reading a Bible story and making a craft. That day it was The Lord is My Shepherd, Psalm 23, read from my bilingual children's bible. I just kept praying that Ana and her family would feel the promises of that passage - He is with us always, we don't have to fear, He gives us comfort when it seems there's no hope, He brings goodness and mercy. And even though it was very hard to see that day, I know those promises are true. In this world, we will have trouble - and sometimes it seems Guatemala has way more than it's fair share. But He has overcome the world.

When it came time for Ana's class, only 4 of her classmates were in attendance, as it was also a week of vacations here in Guate and many were out of town or spending time with family. We began by saying a prayer for Ana and I asked them if they wanted to have a normal class or make cards for Ana. The reply was unanimous, and they set to work, covering the words they were writing with their other hand so their friends couldn't read their messages to Ana. I made one too, with the words of Psalm 23 on one side. We went down to the center and while much of the family was still gathered, Ana had already gone. My students promised to give her my card and a hug, and we said goodbye until Monday. I packed up and left and cried most of the way home, thinking about Ana and her sister and how different their lives will be now. Again I was feeling helpless, because there was nothing I could do to stop what happened and nothing I could do to comfort Ana in her pain. But as I've thought and prayed about it this weekend, I've realized that the work that I and my fellow missionaries and the other believers that I know here are doing does matter, specifically those who are working with children. We can change the reality of this country, one child at a time. My kids know that they are loved, they are learning God's Word and what it means to live for Him, and they are learning a constructive skill to help with their futures. The Buckner Community Center continually emphasizes hard work and responsibility and the importance of family; they are working to help change entire communities of people here. And maybe if we keep listening and following God's command to serve His children, help the least of these, and make disciples of all nations, a senseless act of this sort won't be so common anymore, even in Guatemala. In the meantime, we have His promise - that He will never leave us or forsake us.

Please pray for comfort, strength, and provision for Ana's family, and for encouragement for all of those doing the Lord's work here in Guatemala and around the world.

Ana & Pamela

Estrella, Pamela, & Ana

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

¹ The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 

²     He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters, 

³     he refreshes my soul. 

He guides me along the right paths 

    for his name’s sake. 

⁴ Even though I walk

    through the darkest valley,

I will fear no evil, 

    for you are with me; 

your rod and your staff,

    they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me

    in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil; 

    my cup overflows.

⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me

    all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord

    forever.